Autonomy

This is a difficult post to write for me.

For a couple of reasons.

Firstly, it’s a VERY emotive subject for many people (women especially).

Secondly, given my stated history (on this blog) most women will probably believe (and tell you) that I don’t get to have an opinion on this, that I’m “really just a man” and so I’m “privileged”, always have been and wouldn’t know anything. 

(Interestingly, if it were to happen to me many would probably say it was my fault and that I deserved it because I had SRS and believe I'm a woman, or that somehow it isn't "real" because I can't get pregnant, but in their eyes they would see no double standard. Anyway! C'est la vie! Apparently it's one of the things only biological females can truly experience)

Thirdly, I haven’t been a victim in the way that others have and people will probably think that I’m attempting to conflate myself and my experiences with theirs and that I'm trying to elevate myself and/or diminish their “pain” or belittle them or their experience.

Believe what you will, my own pain is enough for me, I don’t need to make it bigger or compete with others.

So now to the nitty gritty.

Rape.

It’s a huge “taboo” not to be talked about under any circumstances (apparently), like menstruation and many other women’s issues.

You know what, that in itself, that those things are silenced, shits me to tears.

There are some things related to womanhood that are celebrated and never shut up about and they shit me to tears as well. 

Pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood I’m over hearing about them. NO I don't like that there are special car parks outside shopping malls for parents with strollers, the fact that you have a child does not mean you should have it easier finding a park or have to walk any less distance than the rest of the women without children, you aren't special because you can let some guy knock you up and then spit out a kid (that in many cases, the rest of us will have to pay for anyway)

I hate that women are simply reduced to their ability to breed, and I hate even more that females then buy in to that and tout that as both their Achilles heel and at the very same time, the thing that makes the valid and “special” and that they should be worshiped for.

That fact is, not all women CAN nor DO have children, and I believe that it is those women who most often face the most difficulty in life. (however that is just my opinion)

Anyway, that was a tangent, and not what this post was intended to be about.

This post is going to talk about rape.

I seem to see it and see stories surrounding it a lot lately and you might assume then that I’m wrong and that in fact, it IS being talked about.

Well no, I still don’t think it is. What I mean when I say “talked about” is: talked about freely amongst women.

Women are allowed to have an opinion on rape but they’re also (it seems to me) expected to keep that opinion to themselves, lest someone else feel belittled by their opinions.

We wouldn’t want to be or seem insensitive to others now would we?

I honestly think that that is one of the biggest stumbling blocks holding back women (as a group).

“sensitivity”.

The Idea that the world should be sensitive to us and treat us “fairly” and respect us.

Why?

only because we’re a girl.

Do you not realise that THAT was part of your “gender” enculturation as a child.

The world is NOT friendly, if women want to be treated equally to men then we need to toughen up a bit and stand up for ourselves, and I don’t just mean talking or writing, I mean DOING! defending ourselves.

The world is NOT kind it will NOT look after you, people don’t have to treat you well. If we can get women to learn that early in life then I think things will improve.

Anyway, Rape…..

Here is a little experiment to demonstrate how different a woman’s life experience can be depending simply on the circumstances of her birth (in this case what part of the world she is born into). 

This morning on my browser home page there were two stories about rape.

The first was Chrissy Hyde. Apparently, if you read the story, she experienced rape/sexual assault when she was 21 years old. She shares her personal opinion that she holds herself accountable for what happened and believes that other women who do the same and make similar choices to the ones she made are responsible for what happens as well. 

She does NOT say at any point that all women are responsible for their own rape.

But according to the comments left, she might as well have said that.

What I believe is that she was there, she knows herself better than anyone else, and at 21 she probably should have known the world well enough to know the risks she was taking.

does that make rape any less heinous a crime?

No.

The second story comes out of india, two sisters have been sentenced to be raped and publicly humiliated as punishment for the actions of their brother.

In a word:

Flabbergasted!

It disgusts and angers me that we still live in a world were this kind of thing can take place and be considered by some as “justice”.

And that's without going any further into the issue and talking about WHY a "punishment" like this is even more disgusting and heinous due to the cultural elements involved and as such the resultant long term effects on the lives of these women.

I don’t in anyway condone rape under any circumstances, but worse than rape to me, is ignorance and stupidity by some women who then turn around and scream the loudest at the injustices done to them and by doing so, belittle the suffering that other women truly DO endure.

I hate that it is always the most privileged and entitled of any group who seem to be the ones “representing” everyone else and that once they get what their entitled little heart desires, often at the expense of the rest of the group, they disappear and leave those who are truly in need, to suffer the consequences of their actions.

It is the "entitled" ones that write the arguments (in the public's perception) that defend purportrators 

I think we need to teach our daughters, (and even our sons to a lesser extent) that you CAN be raped, and that if you wait for other people to do the right thing by you, then you are a fool.

We each have free will and the ability to make our own choices.

In life, trauma is caused when we have that autonomy taken away from us. 

Rape is traumatic because of that. That control of the person and her/their body is taken away from them. physical pain resides, scars heal, but trauma remains, feeling powerless remains.

I have not been (in my life so far) sexually assaulted (for which I'm thankful and feel fortunate given the situations I've had to work in), and I pray I never am, but I am very well aware of what it is to have my free will withheld from me.

I make choices every day to maintain my autonomy in every way I can. Most of those choices revolve around keeping my medical history to myself, and not involving myself in discussions with people who would try and tell me who I am and what I can be.

To an extent we all have choices. 

To an extent we’re all responsible for the things that happen to us in life.