Shit or get off of the pot: Blaire White is not a transsexual.

 People love Blaire or at least they appear to love Blaire. There are comment sections full of praise and worship for her especially on YouTube.

I like and agree with a fair amount of what she says and the positions she takes on many things, (even though I think many of her positions are rehearsed and put forward to garner approval), but there is a line between the type of person Blaire is and the type of person that I am. That line will forever seperate us.

To the average onlooker, when she’s sitting next to all these transgender people on stages and TV shows, Blaire is a transsexual.

 She’s still quite young, she has a small and delicate frame, and she’s quite acceptable (appearance wise) as a female, and her voice is nearly perfect.

 Heck, even I could just about buy that she is a transsexual.

 Except….

Except that I’ve met people like Blaire before. In real life. 

Young, (or at least youthful), slight in frame, easily “pass-able”. 

One in particular springs to mind, let’s call her Stacey.

I met Stacey when I was transitioning. She was in her 20’s, we where the same age at the time, but we where complete opposites from a physical perspective.

She was short, small hands, small feet, perfect build, great hair, very little body hair.

Me?... puberty had been very cruel to me, I was 5’11, badly receding hairline, big hands, big feet, big frame, big ears even. Blonde facial hair (if you understand the relevance of blonde facial hair you, know where I’m coming from). It seems I got all the worst possible genetics from each side of my family, at least for someone with my condition.

I envied Stacey.

Stacey was already on hormones when I first met her. I was on hormones a few months later, by the next time I saw her.

I can’t quite remember but I think she’d had a boyfriend, and she had tried her luck with women as well. I’d never had a relationship with anyone.

The last time I saw her, she’d not long had vocal surgery to feminise her voice. She was amazed at what I’d achieved with my voice with no help whatsoever. (The trick is to sing, find songs from female singers and try to emulate, if it’s in you, you’ll work it out soon enough).

We met through a mutual friend who was post-op and older than us and who tried to help people by running kind of a support organisation (not a support group as such, but more like a phone support line with a drop in centre).

That same friend used to tell me not to be envious of Stacey, that her and I were different and that she’d seen people like Stacey before. They’d blow in and out, sometimes it was a month, between visits, sometimes it was 8 months, but you never saw any progress, they got to where the were and now they were stuck.

They always had a “plan” for how they where going to go and get the “surgery”, but that plan never materialised.

They could do everything else, the boobs the face, the voice, but could never quite get around to the bedroom equipment. Or else they had a reason why they couldn’t do it.

I vaguely remember phoning my friend when I was recovering from my reassignment surgery, to tell her that all had gone ok, and Stacey happened to be with her. She (Stacey) got on the phone and congratulated me, and told me how she’d be getting her surgery soon, but she didn’t have a date yet. 

I never heard from her after that.

When I see Blaire, I think of Stacey.

You see, the thing about being transsexual is that what is between your legs is a BIG problem, it's not the ONLY problem, but it's up there with being the biggest.

Does reassignment surgery fix that problem? no, but it makes that problem manageable and there are no other realistic long term treatments that have proved to me to be successful.

(and no, I don't advocate for children transitioning).

Whilst Blaire talks a very convincing talk and tells people she is a transsexual, her actions and thought patterns don’t (I believe) support that diagnosis. 

Explain?…..

Well to start with, Blaire believes that “trans-women” are not Women.

So lets break that down a little, the popular question going around lately is: 

“what is a woman?”….

To which my response is:

The term “woman” (in my understanding) refers to a societal position typically held by an adult human female.

Notice I said typically. Typically as in, not always, but most of the time. What I believe makes someone a “woman” is lived experience.

So, you would say that, transsexuals don’t live the same experience as biological females, to which I would say, bullshit.

Transsexuals don’t mensurate. 

Not all females do.

Transsexuals don’t have babies.

Not all Females do.

Granted, most females experience those things BUT, if those lived experiences are the only ways you measure womanhood then I’m sure there are a great many biological females who don’t measure up and would like to talk to you.

So can a male born transsexual be a “woman”? 

Yes, I believe they can if they make certain choices. 

Are all male born transsexuals women?

In this day and age I’d say they certainly are NOT.

Now, a completely different question is: are male born transsexuals female?

I know what I believe in my own mind, but all current science says NO, they are male.

Man <-> Male, Woman <-> Female

These words are NOT interchangeable although people try to use them as though they are (if they were, why would we need two different words for the same thing?). One refers to a biological state of being, the other refers to a role in society.

Right, so what have I established here with regards to what Blaire has said?

Well although she didn’t mean it the way I’m going to interpret it here, she is in fact correct, “trans-women” aren’t women, but not all Transsexuals ARE “trans-women” either, some are just women.

Next up.

Blaire believes that “trans-women” are a class of men.

I’m sorry but this statement is straight out of the Transgender play book. It is an impossibility to be two different and opposite things at the same time although transgender people would like you to believe that they can feel like a man one day and feel like a woman the next and it’s up to you to work out which one they are at any given time.

Now If instead of that, Blaire had said she believes: “trans-women are a type of male”, I’d have no real issue, she’d be (in my opinion) factually correct.

The last problem I have with Blaire (for now) is in this interview and around 37 minutes.

Blaire talks about “pass-ability” (for want of a better word) and how some people are less likely than others to pass and that this should be a consideration when confronting the prospect of “transition”

And THIS is what I meant earlier on when I spoke about the line between people like Blaire and people like me and how we will never truly be the same thing and WHY I say Blaire is NOT a transsexual.

What Blaire has done, just like what Stacey did, was all about choice and opportunity.

Blaire has chosen to be who she is, she’s chosen to be a “trans-woman” and she’s chosen for everyone to know that she IS a “trans-woman”. She continues to choose to keep her birth anatomy and belittle those who have had what she describes to be an inadequate treatment when in reality, it's not about that, it's about a mans penis being important to him.

Like Stacey, Blaire had an agreeable body type and she thought she could do it, and that it would be an easier existence for her than being a small gay man. She could have the concessions afforded to an attractive woman, rather than being treated like crap and possibly victimised for being a small gay man.

Transsexuals don’t get to make those choices. We only get one choice, and that is, to fix our problems to the best of our ability, or to blow our brains out. 

Dylan Mulvaney, Jazz Jennings, The Daily Wire, “what is a woman?”, right vs left….

 Stop the world, I want to get off.

It’s been a while huh?….

I feel like “trans” hysteria has absolutely exploded in the last 12 to 18 months, however, I realise it has been gradually building over many years. Decades even.

These days I don’t give a heck of a lot of thought or consideration to the fact that I was born a transsexual. 

Until I get online that is. 

When I open my laptop, it’s everywhere. 

When I was younger I used to have to search for information, but not now, now, it’s in my facebook feed on all the pages, people ridiculing trannies. It’s all over youtube, it’s even on a fucking beer can apparently.

And when I say “it” I don’t mean me, I don’t mean “transsexuals” I mean drag queens and peadophiles claiming they are really “women” or “girls”, claiming that they are “trans”.

All of this shit scares the bejeesuz out of me!

Why?

Because I live my life daily without discussing my situation with anyone. To the people in my daily life I am just a strange woman, one that can do all sorts of different things and who isn’t afraid to work hard (physically) and who probably doesn’t care as much as she should about her appearance.

On the one hand I can weld, and fix just about anything mechanical, on the other hand I’ve set up and run whole business for the last 10 years straight. I’ve done our admin, accounts, payroll and HR, secured work with multinational companies, fought legal battles in the courts and won, all without any formal training or qualifications. I teach myself what I need to know in order to achieve what I need to achieve. And most of the above has been done in support of the man that I love.

My partner an I have been together 10 years this year. 

My life is a LIFE. 

I look back now, knowing what I know and having learned what I’ve learned, and think, If I’d been able to feel comfortable being a “man” myself then I probably would have been a power-house. 

And yet, if I had stayed as I was, I firmly believe that I’d still be stuck with a numb mind, plagued by the in-escapable feeling of wrongness and despair, and that I wouldn’t be loved.

Did “transition” fix me?…

No. I still hate myself, and my body, thank you for asking.

BUT! I can deal with it now and my life is a LIFE. 

I make a difference to some people, even if I can’t effect the world in the ways that I long too.

And then, I open my computer and it’s everywhere. 

The world hates me.

Hates what I am.

My existence reduces women and womanhood to just a hole for a man to have sex with.

And if that isn’t enough, I shot and killed some kids at a school in Nashville the other day. (no disrespect intended to the families, I’m devastated for them)

So, I can’t say I blame people, I probably deserve to be hated. Heck, if I was them (and I am really) I’d hate me too! 

I spend my whole life caring for others, my appearance suffers probably because I ask for so little for myself, but I’m really just a man with a fetish. A mental illness. 

I often wonder what Jordan Peterson might make of me…. but that would be cheating wouldn’t it?…. we all know that studies show the long term effects of gender transition are hard to come by and where you do see them, they show that treatment is largely unsatisfactory, that success stories are practically non-existent.

I wonder why it’s hard to follow up with people post “transition”?…. 

I mean, fuck. 

I probably shouldn’t even be writing this post and who the fuck know’s wether it will ever actually see the light of day, because I wouldn’t want anyone trying to steal my thoughts and emotions to justify their lifestyle choices.

Further more, can you guess how many of the “professionals” who treated me back in the day, have stayed “in touch” to see how I’ve been going?….

And then there’s Jazz….

Jazz Jennings.

Jazz Jennings?

Jazz Jennings,

Oh and I nearly forgot!

Jazz Jennings! (note: again with the hole for a man to have sex with! 12:58)

I’ve always had my reservations about Jazz. 

I didn’t watch that tv show that they made about Jazz (I’m guessing it would have been highly traumatic for me), but I have seen snippets over time and segments on Jazz and Interviews over the years. To me, from what I’ve seen, for someone who has been living as a girl from such a young age, I would think Jazz should “present” as female much better than it appears jazz does. 

It’s hard to explain what I mean by this, to me, much of presentation and demeanour is “learned throughout childhood (conditioned if you will), and if one’s heart is truly in being the opposite sex, then one watches and tries to blend with the opposite sex. Much like members of the same sex observe each other and emulate and eventually blend in with each other.

This may however also be that Jazz’s parents also “cut Jazz slack” due to the fact that Jazz is/was actually a boy.

(EG, I remember my parents chastising my sister for not being “lady-like” growing up, not sitting like a girl etc, I did not get this same treatment as I was not the same as my sister, a girl).

I don’t mean to sound overly critical, but let me see if I can show you what I’m trying to get at.

The way Jazz sits at 2:44 in this video, is just one example, but I see many others right throughout any footage I’ve seen.

What I’m reminded of is the older men coming into electrolysis when I was going through transition (my electrologist was TS also). These people would come in and bitch about the women in their lives not being accepting of them and criticise women in general, and to me it showed their chauvinistic nature. What they were doing was an act for people who might be watching, but their truth was on full display when they felt they were in a place where people didn’t care and weren’t judging them. They didn’t view themselves as “the same” as other women at all it was an "outfit" for them to put on, but this time they were doing it permanently. 

Or,

The patients at the clinic where I had my reassignment surgery. One of the clinic staff had to sit with a group of patients (routinely) and “educate” us one how to look after our new equipment, informing us that intercourse was a bad idea for at least 6-12 months, at which time I remember a younger patient (french if I remember correctly) asked wether they were still ok for their boyfriend to fuck them up the ass? (pretty much verbatim) and then got quite hostile with the nurse when they where advised against it.

To me, none of these people ever “vibed” as people I could relate too. They never seemed like people overcoming a hurdle that had stopped them living their whole life, or like people who’d worried no-one could ever love them or even know them fully.

Anyway, back to Jazz, there was a massive youtube pile-on with right-winger’s (for the record, I’d consider myself a right-winger as well) stating that Jazz regrets “transition”, that Jazz’s mother pushed Jazz into it, and that Jazz will de-transition. All referenced the same video clip of Jazz and Mom with Jazz saying they want to feel like themself etc etc.

Now, I’m not saying they’re wrong (I think they’re probably right), but, it’s also a possibility that Jazz had unreasonably high expectations of the results and the reality of transition’s limitations are or have become evident to Jazz and Jazz just hasn’t learned to manage the fact that they aren’t going to be everything they where promised they would be.

I’m not Jazz.

I know my read on the situation, but TV is what it is and people will edit things to look a certain way if they think it will increase ratings.

And this whole post leads me back to me and my partner. 

We made love this morning (Saturday or Sunday seem to be the only times we wake up together at a reasonable hour and don’t have to get up early and go to work), I cried a little after. He asked me what was wrong? I told him I was fine, but the truth is he deserves better than me. He’s an amazing man and has known my situation since a month or two into our relationship and we’re still going strong, but with all of the above pervading my brain constantly, how could I ever be “good enough” for anyone?

I’m not a woman after all.

Not real.

I’m nothing.

I’m a joke.