In my heart I’ve always felt myself to be a girl.
I’ve known it (and thus needed it) all my life.
That said, I also knew the way I was born, I’m not deluded.
I existed as a male until my twenties, I experienced a
pretty horrific male puberty and so it was painful, hard work and expensive recovering
from that to where I am now.
There’s still much more I could do as well (surgically) if I
was inclined, but I dare say that it is not likely to happen, as life has taken
over now.
Anyway! On to the purpose of this post.
My boyfriend and I have been having a fight this week.
Our business consumes 98% of our time at the moment and that
leaves us very little to spend on each other and our relationship.
As such, I’m pretty
protective of that remaining 2%.
That 2% is generally Saturday Mornings for a few hours, when
we sleep in, make love and then get up and shower and have breakfast together.
Money is a bit tight around here at the moment (like
everyone/everywhere it seems) and so he accepted some work he was offered for last
Saturday morning which would mean that not only HE had to work, but that I
would have to too, and that would mean changing around and trying to find time
for everything else I had to get done, and also that our time together would
not happen.
He just did this without even consulting me.
Normally I’ll be okay with things and understand, provided I’m
at least considered and given a choice in the matter, it’s when I get no choice
that I get miffed.
And so I did.
We have a pretty health sex life really (three to five times
a week most weeks) but Saturdays are the important ones, the ones where it’s
about intimacy, not just sex, where we take time for each other, where there’s
no rush.
He cut out Saturday on me without asking, so the poor fella
went without for five days straight.
He didn’t have to mind you, he could have made an effort
himself at any point, taken me by the hand, maybe “romanced” me a little, but
like most uncomplicated men, women (in his eyes) are an enigma, they’re
un-predictable, he’s not quite certain where the line between him taking the
lead and him forcing me is (usually he waits for me to start, or just put’s on
one or two low risk moves, and then waits for me).
So in the end, he went without.
I’m a bitch huh?
We communicate pretty well as a couple, even when we fight,
we just talk things out, we never yell, we always end our phone calls with “I
love you”.
For Five days I’d been repeating to him how I wasn’t happy
with what he’d done, that I didn’t feel like I mattered and that I didn’t care
about the money, I cared about and wanted his time, OUR time, that money isn’t
the most important thing in the world etc etc Blah blah blah!
And to his credit, he took it.
He gave in.
He apologised multiple times.
That man loves me.
What do I mean?
Well to men, money pretty much IS the most important thing
in the world. Just about EVERYTHING in a man’s life depends on money.
It made sense when I stopped and took a moment to think
about it.
But I DID actually have to actively think about it, it was
an effort for me. (it wouldn’t be for a man)
No-one really supports a man, he supports himself.
The roof over his head, the food in his belly, the clothes
on his back the car he drives, the woman he wants in his life, the roof over
her head, the food in her belly, the clothes on her back, her health and
medical needs, the children SHE wants, the roof ever THEIR head, the food in
THEIR belly, the clothes on THEIR back, THEIR health and medical needs.
Interesting that I’d never thought about that before.
Sometimes it this whole being a woman thing sneaks up on me.
He’s a good man, I love him.
