Learning to NOT be enough.

The truth is that I’m not enough.

I’m not enough to be fully loved for the daughter I am  by OR too my mother.

And someday I won’t be enough to be fully loved by my (adopted children) as their mother.

I’ll never live up to my younger sister in my mothers eyes, she’s a fully functional female, she’s younger and more beautiful, she can give my mother biological grandchildren, she’s the real deal.

I’m not.

If I ever am lucky enough to have the privilege of raising some children (they’ll have to be adopted) I’ll never be their “birth” mother and so they’ll never ache for my approval in the same way a child instinctively seeks and looks for it’s (biological/birth/real) mothers approval.

There’s a million ways in my life (and the life of any transsexual girl) in which I’ll never be Enough.

So if if you’re never going to be enough what’s the point in even trying?

You aren’t here on earth, in and living life, for you.

You’re here because wether you or they understand it or not, these people whom you aren’t enough for, they need you.

They need a positive influence in their life, they need someone who loves them without want of something in return.

Someone strong.

So who do you get to be that person for you?

Who do you get to be your “strength”?

No-one.

I’m sorry, but you are the bottom of the food-chain.

The bottom of the totem pole.

The bottom rung of the ladder.

Maybe one day (when it no longer makes any difference) they’ll understand what you and your love meant to them and their life.

Maybe they never will.

Maybe you’ll fade away and be forgotten.

Welcome to womanhood.

It’s not great.

It’s not “fair”.

No-one ever promised you it would be.

So what are you going to do about that? 

Are you going to change womanhood to make it fit what you THINK it should be?

I’m sure no natal born female has ever thought of or wanted to do that, I’m certain YOU are the first girl EVER to think that life is not “fair” for women. (the whole concept of feminism let alone the feminist movement never existed right?!)

Here’s the difference though, you had a “choice” you were given the opportunity to be a man, they never were.

And further, they have to deal with more than you do. most of them have a period every month from about ten years old ’til maybe 60 years old.

How many of those periods will actually turn into a baby?

1-2-3 maybe? maybe 5? in the extreme maybe 10.

Out of every month for potentially 50 years.

12x50= 600.

600 lots of bleeding, cramps period pain and discomfort, hormonal and emotional instability.

(I’d give up anything for that, even if I never did get to be pregnant or have a child)

And all of that is STILL no guarantee you’ll ever be enough for anyone.

That’s just life for women.

Yes, your life sucks! yes, you have things hard, but you don’t have it harder than most or even ANY other woman.

Congratulations! you made it.

So remind us all, why aren’t you “happy”?

What I see, feel and read from most "Trans" folks is that they over "glamourise" in their own mind what life is or should be like for the sex they want or think they "should" be. 

Just take a quick glimpse around the internet trans blogs and you'll notice undertones of envy and an air of victimhood directed at what they dub "cis" folks.

The truth is that we're all just people and we all face our own situational difficulties, none (necessarily) better nor worse, more or less noble or valid.

The truth (when it comes to NOT being "enough") is that for the most part it is actually more often "trans" folks who are arrogant and "entitled".

So! It's time to get over yourself.

Understand that life and the world is NOT solely about you and YOU are the only one who cares wether or not you are "enough". (or else you wouldn't be or need to be, telling everyone you're "trans" and hoping they "accept" you, would you?)

And if no-one else cares wether you're "enough" or not, why exactly should you?