I wonder how long it will be before I'm directly affected by the rolling back of legal "concessions" or precedents that were originially afforded to facilitate the lives of those who'd done everything possible to change their physical sex characteristics and live as the sex opposite that of their birth, but, became exploited by those who only went part (or none!) of the way to doing that, and used to satisfy their own alternative agendas and fetishes....
If you're reading this I'm sure you probably know about the UK supreme court ruling on the definition of "woman"
I don't live in the UK, but momentum world-wide (to me) appears to be building.
I've never been someone to speak out publicly. I've not ever really needed too. I did all that I could during my "transition" to fix all that I could about myself. I then set about making a life and integrating back into society.
And I haven't done too badly, I have a partner and we have a business. I'm known by family, friends and in the buiness circles in which we operate and when I say "known" I don't mean as a transsexual, I mean as a woman, as a female, as me.
That's all I ever really wanted, just to be an average woman, as normal a female as I could ever be. Whatever came/comes with that, I'd deal with.
Yes, I know that there are some things females deal with that I don't and never can. I guess that's somehow my fault because I couldn't/can't fix my problem completely.
When I was transitioning I read a lot, anything I could find, to try and find out what to expect my life would be like. Anything I could find on how to deal with myself and the disgust I'd felt at how I'd been born.
I was scared back then..... extremely scared. a lot of what I read made me fear that I would be beaten or maybe killed. My mother (when I told her of my intentions) immediately said that I'd end up on the streets as a prostitute, and that I'd probably get killed.
And yet on I pushed, staying where and how I was, was no longer a long term option.
There weren't many voices out there in the ether that gave me any hope, but there were one or two things I found.
One in particular that I still try to keep in mind as live my life today.
Whomever wrote it was and (I'm sure if they're still around) still is/are much wiser than I am.
The advice she gave was in regards to when the world doesn't want "us" (transsexuals), when the world and society treat you as "less than", when you are or feel, belittled or degraded, worthless.
How are you to deal with that?.....
How would a woman deal with that?....
With Class.
With Grace.
Decorum.
Whilst I say that I'm "known" as a woman, as a female, I'm not deluded enough to think that people couldn't/can't/won't work me out if it mattered enough to them.
Perhaps some or all of the people in my life suspect on some level?.... Perhaps they're being polite and they can't confirm their suspicions, so they err on the side of caution and treat me accordingly....
"Yeah, she's 5'11" and those hands and shoulders look pretty big, but she sounds like a woman to me....."
Or perhaps they don't suspect at all.
There is no way I can know, So, I conduct myself with as much "class" and grace as possible, and that, that is enough to tip the scales in most people's mind.
That one piece of advice, has been the most applicable and appropriate of anything I've ever found about how to survive in this situation.
I don't believe I raise, or have ever raised, any eyebrows when using the ladies room (I also waited and used disabled toilets etc, until I felt I would not raise any eyebrows) however, if ever I was confronted what would I do?....
I would most probably apologise (quietly and in my best, most delicate voice) for making the person/people feel uncomfortable and I would leave.
Why?.....
Wouldn't that be admitting I'm not who I present myself to be or who I say I am?....
Well what would a woman do?....
And I'm not talking about the woman/women who potentially confronted me, whom, if we're in this situation to begin with, most likely are more educated on the topic and have a point to prove and don't care what they have to do or how they have to act to prove that point. No, I'm talking about the balance of the female population, those women. The ones trying to get by in the global cost of living crisis, raise their children, have fullfilling lives and relationships with their spouses, etc etc.
My belief is, if you are confronted in the women's bathrooms it's for one of two reasons, the primary reason is: YOU!, you are not physically in a position where you should be in there to begin with, you don't or are not blending in with the rest of the women in there.
The secondary reason is: you were unlucky enough to run into someone with a political axe to grind who picked something about you.
Under iether circumstance, your pyshical form has let you down somehow, so what other defence do you have for being there? how are you going to change their mind?.....
What would a woman do?
You could also (I guess) ask yourself what would a man do?.... and then try to do the opposite.
So, wouldn't that be admitting I'm not who I present myself to be, or who I say I am?....
You could look it that way, but you could also look at it that you have taken that person's power to define who you are, away from them and re-asserted your nature, by doing exactly what a normal woman might do if placed in a similar situation.
Women know women when they encounter them. It might take the person a while, or they may never get it, but I guarantee you'll change more minds this way than you would any other way.
And no, for those out there reading this thinking to themselves that I'm not a woman and shouldn't use or be allowed in the ladies room, I'm not about to stop using it, I'm just as capable of being raped and beaten by a man as other women are thank you very much and just as incapable of defending myself from most men. Further more, it would not hurt some of you (women) to learn to leave the facilities as you found them for the next person.
As for those crying about the supreme court decision, if you play silly games you'll win silly prizes! if you try and change the world and society to see yourself to favored treatment, then it's probably right that you get put in your place. If you ever actually believed your own hurbis and actually tried to be that which you say you believe yourself to be, then the issue probably would never have come up in the first place.