Sailing your own ship.

 In what little spare time I manage to find for myself, (mainly the half hour or so most nights, just after dinner, before my boyfriend and I go to bed, the same time I use to watch a little television and wind down) I occasionally peruse the internet blogs.

Most of the blogs I read are “gender” themed (if you will).

Why?

My best guess at that is that issues related to sex, “gender”, “Transgenderism” and Transsexualism   and societies understanding of those things (I feel) have potential to effect my life.

I don’t make a point of promoting or publicising my situation to people, but that does not mean people cannot find out about it, and if they do, I’d certainly badly want for them to reach the correct understanding of me as an individual. 

However, I believe the chance that they would reach the correct understanding (given what I read and see of public perception and response to anything widely associated with transsexualism and it’s treatments) is incredibly remote, if not an impossibility (which I guess is part of the reason I occasionally sit and add to this blog, and send my thoughts out into the ether).

So what do I read?

Well, let me put it this way:

none of it is good. I don’t really like anything I read in the internet gender-verse as it relates to me and my condition.

The truth of the matter (I feel) is that Transsexuals don’t get to “own” ourselves on any level or in any way. It seems to me we’re used by everyone, any “group” (if you will) and in any way that suits them and will advance whatever their cause may be, but when we cease to be of use, we’re rejected and cast aside like the feces resulting from yesterdays dinner.

Everyone CAN and WILL tell us who we are and what (they believe) our “problem” amounts to, and how we should live our lives, but I don’t think I’ve come across too many (any in fact) people who are genuinely interested in understanding who and what we are and what (deep down) is at work within us, what motivates us.

First we have the transgender(s):

Mostly biological male MEN who have no intention of relinquishing the status and benefits of being socially recognised as someone with a penis, but also want (what they believe are) the advantages of being socially recognised as someone with a vulva, a vagina, a uterus and ovaries (you get my point) IE a biological female.

Transsexuals may not be completely accepted as biological females (no science to support our situation yet, not that i suspect it will matter even if and when there is) but the fact that we do rectify (as best we can) our genitals, assimilate as women, and cause no problems throughout our lives (for most of us that includes early life, infancy and adolescence), means that we have in past gained enough traction in society to be extended the courtesy of “womanhood”.

So it’s easy right?! transgender(s), (men) hitch their little agenda wagon to us and our story, but change our story to suit their agenda, and use us to fight for that which is against the best interests of females.

But when we try to point out that their issues don’t effect us, that we have no problem using the bathroom (any bathroom at all! we’re able to pee and crap just fine mostly, thanks for asking!) or being paid as poorly as most females, or with getting people to refer to us as “she” and “her”, they shout over the top of us, tell us we’re arrogant and entitled and “privileged” and push us away.

Which aside from the loneliness of our lives, is actually ok really, if we didn’t want/need friends and love and support, we really probably wouldn’t have any real desire to be near any of them anyway.

So 1. THEY use us.

Next we have Females.

In the blog world they mostly call themselves Radfems. Stands for Radical feminists. 

I want to break that down a little, I’ve read a few definitions and the best/most consistent (and seemingly applicable) versions for those words are:

  

Radical:

a :  very different from the usual or traditional :  extreme

b :  favoring extreme changes in existing views, habits, conditions, or institutions

c :  associated with political views, practices, and policies of extreme change

d :  advocating extreme measures to retain or restore a political state of affairs <the radical right>

Feminism:

the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes

So basically, a Radical feminist is someone who: favours (and presumably acts towards) extreme changes in an effort to bring about political, economic and social equality of the (two major) sexes (IE, male and female, notwithstanding intersexed people).

In short; they believe that females are not treated equally to males.

What is “equality” exactly I then need to wonder?

Equality: 

  the quality or state of being equal

Equal:

a (1) :  of the same measure, quantity, amount, or number as another (2) :  identical in mathematical value or logical denotation :  equivalent

b :  like in quality, nature, or status

c :  like for each member of a group, class, or society <provide equal employment opportunities>

2

:  regarding or affecting all objects in the same way :  impartial

3

:  free from extremes: as

a :  tranquil in mind or mood

b :  not showing variation in appearance, structure, or proportion

So explain this to me: on one hand Rad fems say they seek equality, but on the other hand they point out at every opportunity that females and males are different?

They want to be TREATED equally to Men/males but they are not and cannot BE male (nor can males be females, for the sake of “equality”), and nor do they want to be.

HOLY FUCK! they sound a whole heck of a lot like transgender(s) to me. they want to be treated the same as something they aren’t and (supposedly) cannot be.

AND!!! it doesn’t stop there, the similarities continue!

THEY (Radfems) use us transsexuals TOO! They're No.2

Check this shit out!!!

And this…

Just like TG’s they tell us who (they believe) we are and how we should act, and what we can expect and just like TG’s they expect us to go away when we don’t suit them.

What I find most interesting is how they treat us in exactly the same way they get pissed off over men treating them. 

They define us by THEIR understanding of who and what we are, they even want me to carry a card saying I am who and what they tell me I am (a sexually dysmorphic male apparently), and for the “privilege” they might let me use the women’s restroom if they feel like it. 

(yeah, ‘cause I really need to do that for my own well being and piece of mind huh? …. and I’m sure the other women peeing or changing their tampons will be thrilled when I knock on the door and give them my card and just let them know that although they didn’t feel threatened up until this point, "Radical feminists" say that they really SHOULD feel threatened because although I don’t have anything I can use to rape or impregnate them anymore, at one point early in my life I HAD a penis and ya’ know, I’m no bigger or stronger than them and I don’t look or act any different to them and I like to have sex with men and all, but….. BUT JUST BE FUCKING SCARED SHITLESS OF ME OK?!! because the whole world is out to get get you simply because you were BORN female) 

When it all comes down to it, I have little time for either group and I certainly don’t want to be included in or with any group that would tell me I have to live up to some standard that (for me) is (sadly) unreachable in order to be considered a “valid” member or human being for that matter.

I never sought to be “Transgender” all I ever sought was to be female, but I guess these bitches are right, I’m not and I can’t ever be, and so I’ll just have to find a way to live with their infinite knowledge and wisdom of all things of the world and human existence.

The good thing about that is that I live in the real world and finding a way To live in the real world hasn’t been so difficult.

I consider myself a feminist, but not because I believe that it makes me a woman or because it does anything in particular for me personally, or that it makes me (somehow) special, no.

I’m a Feminist because on a personal level I DO believe females are just as valid and capable and diverse as men, and because simply by being who I am and doing the things I do in my daily life and keeping my mouth shut, I open more peoples eyes, and change more minds in a single day, than these loud, annoying, (online) radfem flag wavers do in a year of writing presumptuous screaming essays full of degradation and vitriol.

People look at me and see a female, and yet my (so called) male enculturation means I CAN do (almost) all the the things men do and even still, I’ve learned to be better and faster than men because if you’re not, they can and WILL still ignore you.

 So I break the stereotypical “norms” on a daily basis but people still can’t deny the girl in front of their eyes. 

AND THAT!

That makes changes for women.

You want to make changes for women get a man of "status" in his male circles to go against other men and defend women.

I've done that. When all the insecure jealous business men were verbally attacking me to and (in front of) my boyfriend at a recent industry related function he attended, he called them all on their bullshit, and stood prepared to fight for his belief in me and my abilities inspite of the (stated) fact that "I'm a girl."

When men (and I'm talking about the machoest of macho- heterosexual men here) fight amoungst themselves over issues relating to female equality, THAT is when you're making an impact.

The big problem women face is that they themselves buy into the bullshit they’re sold as children, that they “can’t” do this or that because they’re a girl, that being “pretty” or “sexy” so you can land a man is “important”. 

they don’t even try! 

But that is because it isn't TRUE equality that they seek. 

There's not a damn thing about the (so called) "radical" feminists that I believe to be truly radical on any level.

I'm more radical (when it comes to feminism, per the above definition) in my sleep!

So here is a little of what I believe:

There’s no "gender" police-man waiting to take you to jail or beat you or rape you just for not conforming.

There’s also no indisputable rule that says you can’t shoot, stab, or badly injure the man about to rape you. if it comes down to being raped, an unwanted pregnancy or jail time, then sign me up for my three squares and a cot please! I ain’t going down without a fight!

Does this make the way the world is “right”?…. no. but if people have to think before they do things, then the world will change slowly, I promise!

As for trangender(s) and radfems, abolishing "gender" and all the crap people ramble on about.

Look!

"Gender" as these people describe it, does not exist. It is a figment of their imagination, a crutch they use to compensate for their individual lack of personal fortitude, and on which they can blame their shortcomings and the hardships of life.

So!  it’s my ship and I don’t let anyone tell me what kind of ship it is or how I should sail it, no matter what they believe about me or what biological sex they happened to have been born.

As far as I'm concerned, the whole lot of 'em are spoiled, entitled little pricks and so they can all fuck off!

My thoughts on same-sex marriage.

Okay! a can of worms this one is right?

The U.S supreme court ruled a few days ago to (essentially) legalise same sex marriage, something gay/lesbian activists have been advocating (“fighting” if you will) for for decades.

I have thoughts, feelings and opinions on the issue, it’s my right to.

Many people may not like my thoughts feelings and opinions and that is ok, they don’t have to, but this IS my blog and so it’s my place to add my opinion to the internet discussion.

With that said, I’d ask that if anyone is actually inclined to investigate my opinions (and hey! it could happen), then before people condemn me for them (if they reflexively disagree on an emotional level), that they truly read and consider everything I’m trying to say here.

The first thing I want to say is that I believe all love is and should be treated equal. I respect any human's right to love whomever they choose, regardless of race, sex appearance or any other factor what-so-ever.

Everyone needs love, both to give and receive it.

With that said, I don’t think marriage is solely about recognising to people's love for one and other.

Marriage is NOT just a piece of “paper” and NOT just a concept supported by various religions and churches.

Marriage is very much a legal concept that is tied heavily in with socio-economics.

Marriage affords things like tax and financial benefits.

SO! with that in mind, I think one must broaden their view of social “equality” (for every human, including heterosexuals and females) before same-sex marriage and its repercussions can be fully understood.

I watched a video on youtube last night in which a gay man stated that “no-one looses as a result of this ruling” (I gather by “looses” he meant: suffers a disadvantage of some form in life).

I think only time will tell, but! my personal suspicion is that the female sex and anyone who is in a heterosexual union will (probably without realising it to begin with) suffer in the long term, from a socio-economic stand point.

Why? 

Because females aren’t “equal” to males in a socio-economic sense and by many, also aren't considered "equal" on a societal level . most of us don’t (and can’t) do equal work, and most of us don’t get equal pay, and males cannot have babies, and therefore do not get or need the supposed concessions females are generally afforded (most of which are the REASONS females aren’t treated equally)

SO! a legal union with all the economic benefits marriage affords, with none of the financial and economic disadvantages that come with (at least one partner) being female, will afford a married all male couple a clear financial and economic advantage over any couple or legal union where (at least) one partner is female.

Thus, women "loose" overall, and gay marriage actually moves society closer towards inequality.

So some will say: “ok, just pay females equally, and give them equality”.

To do that in the manner most would need for it to be officially recognised, would mean trying to circumvent our biological reality as a species.

I own a business of my own. If I’m to employ someone to do a particular job, I have to pay them out of the money my business makes from the labour the employee provides me, combined with the resources and labour I provide by myself. 

If I employ a female, the I have to budget from that same amount of income, to continue to pay her if she needs maternity leave to have a child, yet I’m NOT able to sell her labour in order to make that income, so I also need to pay someone else to provide that labour in her stead. I don’t have to consider that if I employ a male.

It is simply more expensive to employ females than it is males and there is NOT endless money in the world and I do not make endless profit (no business does, although some seem to go close).

Biological reality means that females simply cannot perform equal work to males, I wish it wasn’t the truth but it is, that’s NOT my fault, that is nature.

SO! to pay females (seemingly) equally to males means that males need to do (even) MORE of the hard work and earn LESS money for doing it

Here’s a newsflash! males (statistically speaking, most of whom are heterosexual) already do the most and the hardest of the work in the world.

I’m not talking about business men, or white collar workers here, I’m talking about men like my boyfriend. I’ talking about the blue collar workers, plumbers, mechanics, electricians, truck drivers, the hard PHYSICAL work (including the stuff that is most detrimental to a persons health)

Those guys already work the hardest, and they already are underpaid for what they do, If you make their socio-economic position worse by reducing the worth (socially) of what they earn from the hard work they do, then soon enough they’ll have nothing to loose in life. they’ll revolt, and they’ll take back the balance of power (socially) that they had/have, and they WON’T do it using a legal system that betrayed them, they’ll do it by force, because that is what nature gifted them.

And then nature and biology will show “society” exactly who IS in charge.

And that will NOT be a very “fun” time to be female or homosexual.

I’m all for equality, I think that until now, with the recognition same-sex marriage, we’ve been pretty close to as “equal” as we’re able to get.

That doesn’t mean we’re all treated “the same” in the world (but then we aren’t all the same are we? do you truly want to be the same as everyone else?).

And that comes from a woman who most people believe (or would argue) is actually just a gay man who went "to far". If I end up married, then the legal recognition of gay marriage can only help protect my marriage if people try to question it's legitimacy.

I STILL don't think the time was right for it.

Accountability and regrets

To transition, to change sex, (on a personal level) it’s a pretty big thing!

I’d go so far as to say “huge” (at least that’s my opinion)

There isn’t really any aspect of your life, of who you are and how you feel that isn’t effected. It’s very hard, very “trying”. I think that if you can make it through without help, there isn’t too much the world can throw at you that you shouldn’t be able to manage.

   

Being as honest as I can be, I needed it.

I NEEDED to do it, I felt it was the only way my life might possibly become survivable.

With that said, I was absolutely terrified.

The whole time.

I was terrified of a million things, but most of all, terrified that it wouldn’t “work”, that I wouldn’t “make it”, that after everything I still wouldn’t be a “girl” (there are different contexts that I’m applying there, when I talk about being a girl, what I mean mostly by “girl” is simply: who and what I believed I was) and that I’d end up having to kill myself anyway.

What I did, in many ways was due to desperation.

My physical and legal (and most of my social) “transitions” were largely completed within two years.

For a girl in her twenties (IE post puberty), with no kind of support at all from anyone, with very poor (or exceptional in the “male” sense) genetics and who’s pretty much unskilled and under-educated, that is quite a feat (those who’ve been there will understand).

Having to make life altering decisions when one is young, alone, afraid and desperate (and without any means), is not always such a great position to be in, you don’t really get to feel (or be) very “safe”.

And yet I’m confident that I’m not the first to face that situation and I’m also confident I wont be the last.

What it teaches you is accountability.

If you understand (and can master) accountability, you should not end up having (too many) regrets (at least in theory)

Accountability is important, and not just partial accountability, complete accountability, for everything you do, every decision you make, and every thing you say.

The world is a very unforgiving place for women.

I think the hardest aspect for me, was my family. That’s not to say that the rest was “easy”, (all of it was damned hard!!) just that, for me, family was the hardest part.

I AM a strong person, I’ve learned to be cynical and I put on a very hard “front”, but (if you can get to it) I have a very soft heart. I loved and still do love, my family so much that my heart actually aches at the thought.

At the time in my life when I felt I needed them the most, they treated me like I was dead, like I wasn’t even present.

It took some time for me to understand that that was because to them, I actually WAS dead.

From the inside of me looking out, nothing had changed, I didn’t feel as though I was any different than I’d ever been.

BUT! to them, from the outside, looking AT me, and looking IN to me, the person they believed they knew the person they'd always envisioned me to be truly did disappear completely, replaced by a girl they didn’t believe they knew and that they’d never met.

Like being given a grown daughter or sister in her twenties, that they’d never met or knew even existed.

How do you know what that person is like, what her interests are, what her sense of humour is?

Do you have anything in common with her?

In their mind there are no memories of this girl through childhood, no “happy” or “sad” to look back on, no emotions, there’s no “attachment” at all to this new person, at least so they think. Blinded by hurt and grief, all they (think they can) know, is that this girl took away from them someone they loved dearly.

It’s understandable then, that rather than be loving, supportive and understanding, that instead they might choose to HATE everything, even the very sight of this person.

And so I learned soon enough (despite loving them) to build a life for myself alone and away from them, even whilst constantly feeling and carrying hurt and pain from their rejection.

I still feel the hurt over everything with them on a daily basis.

Many transsexual born girls/women I’ve corresponded with who go through this kind of situation end up cutting their family out of their life completely.

Many resent their family, (their mother especially) for their rejection, and lack of understanding and support, and the abuse they suffer as a result.

Add to that the fact that it is guaranteed family will NEVER ever recognise the TS as a female, and it’s not really hard for me to see why they do that.

For a time I did the same too, no contact. I needed to, to get through it all, I was suicidal enough without adding their hurt and anger to the mix.

A few years on and we talk, they’ve met my boyfriend and we travel up the coast a few times a year visit them. They’ve been to our home twice and met BF’s family.

I still feel like we’re strangers in some ways, things aren’t what they where and that hurts even now, but I keep trying anyway.

SO!

I’ve mentioned before that my Mother is not in great health these days. she’s now insulin dependant, she has Crohn’s disease and bad osteoarthritis among other things and so she lives from a wheelchair and spends most of her days in a recliner.

My younger sister (by a year) is generally my mothers carer. She lives at home with my parents, she moved back to their town and in with them, nearly two years ago. She’s never really held a steady job for very long, it’s not really her style, and her and my older brother are still pretty dependant on my parents financially.

Interestingly, I’m the child that was “doomed” to be a failure and embarrassment, and yet I turned out to be the first one who’s managed to support herself and find and hold a steady relationship/partner and get a life together.

So my sister has recently found a new boyfriend, and found some employment, and that has meant she’s been away from home for a few weeks and hasn’t been available as much to look after my mother. As such mother has been struggling, isolated, lonely, depressed and suicidal.

I traveled up during the week, took her to her doctor and then brought back home with me and have had her here with me for a few days taking care of her.

When we’re alone together we seem to end up talking about the elephant in the room, me, “us” and our relationship.

She brings it up nowadays, I stopped bringing it up a while ago, I decided it wasn’t likely that things would change and that if I wanted any kind of relationship with them, that I needed to try and get past that and NOT have it be the only thing we share.

Her own feelings of mortality at work I guess.

Looking at my life now, she’s come to understand (finally) that I’m not “joking” I’m not changing, I’m not going back, and that perhaps I wasn’t lying about my life, who I am and what I believe.

She still denies she ever suspected anything about me, but she conceded this week that maybe things weren’t what she remembers them being when I was a child.

She said she feels guilty, worries that I have a bad or harder life because she didn’t help me when I was a child.

Say’s she’d have been different if she’d “known”.

I guess she can’t let go of the feeling that I’m angry with her.

I was for a while, but being angry did nothing to help me and nothing to change anything, so I let it go, and moved on, and tried to get a relationship back on track with them.

Bringing our history back up only brings back the hurt, sends me back to bad times and makes me want them back out of my life.

I love my entire family, and I wish our relationships could go back to how they once were.

But I don’t know if or how that can ever happen, actually, I don’t think it ever can, that’s what my gut tells me, but in spite of that I still can’t let go.

Sad do you think?

I know that how things are with my family is my biggest regret. I don't know exactly what I could have done to change it or for things to be/have been different, but I wish I could and I wish they where.

Trans-woman

Okay, welcome to the first episode of:

Things I don’t “get”

Where I post questions I can’t seem to find irrefutable answers for.

Todays thoughts:

1. Why is it I (we) need to be called Trans-women (or Trans-woman for individual/singular purposes)?
2. Is it just me, or is there a remarkable trend for MTF “trans” folks to invest themselves (heavily) in (what they believe is theoretically) feminism?

K, so maybe average people feel there is some practical purpose or benefit of some kind to adding a “trans” (and hyphen) to the front of “woman” when referring to me/us (post-op transsexuals) but in truth, on a personal level, I haven’t experienced nor can I think of a single benefit to being referred to as anything other than just a woman.

Why do I bring that up?

I guess that although I’ve seen that terminology batted around before, I’ve never thought of it applying to myself, until I saw it applied to me for the first time ever the other day (by someone I’ve never even met).

The argument most will have is that it’s “technically” correct for me, to which I would respond in two ways:

 1. POPPYCOCK!!! and 2. in who’s opinion and based on what? do you know me and my life better than I do?

Right then!…. NEXT!

“feminism”.

“trans-feminism”

“misogyny” 

“trans-misogyny”

“transphobia”……

I won’t lie to you, I. AM. SO. FUCKING. CONFUSED.

There’s a new word, a new “term” for anything and everything these days, and yet it seems to me that no matter how many new terms we “coin” they all relate back to a few basic human concepts:

The human capacity (and propensity) to “hate” and discriminate.

You can use any term you like in an effort to refer to these concepts but the only real purpose they serve, is to demonstrate for others how YOU define yourself and whereabouts you are situated in your life relative to THEM and the rest of society/humanity.

So with that in mind (and here is why I don’t “get” number 2, above), let’s break some of these terms/concepts down a little bit:

Firstly, you’re a girl right? you’re female? 

You happened to have been born with a penis (a transsexual), but you’re a girl and you always knew you were right from early age, SO! you went against what everything and everyone in the entire world tried to beat into, force on to and impress upon YOU from the day you took your first breath, and then you declared to anyone who would listen that you are/were supposed to have a vagina and be treated the way people with vaginas are supposed to be treated.

And THEN, you set about making that vagina and that “LIFE” your very own reality.

And now you’ve made it right? you are a “woman”.

You conquered you very own personal everest, you’ve succeeded!

Just another female in the world like all the rest, going about her daily life?

Women are everywhere in the world, most of them are mothers and wives going about their day, looking after their families, perhaps they have a job or were more inclined towards a career than a family, who knows! (we’re actually a pretty diverse group).

Of the total female population of the world, how many exactly do you suppose have the time, effort, or inclination to bleat on loudly and publicly about all the terrible aspects of life and womanhood and how all those things need to change just “because we say so”?

The truth is that most females (over time) adapt to life as a woman pretty well.

Some of us actually even LIKE being women (shocking right), we’re comfortable with it, it appears to “fit” us and what we want and believe our self-image to be, reasonably well. 

We learn over time that although there are some aspects of female existence that seem “unfair” (if you like) that they are mostly just an accepted (and hence acceptable) part of “life”.

There is no way to COMPLETELY guarantee those “unfair” things change or stop happening 100% of the time, there is ALWAYS going to be bad people in the world and people who ignore laws made against those “unfair” things, and so rather than live our life terrified of them, we accept that they are part of womanhood that we need to put up with and we learn to conduct ourselves in a manner that limits our exposure to those “unfair” things, and we get on with and enjoy our lives, our womanhood, as best we can.

So then,

Feminists…. Trans-feminists…..

Mysogyny…. trans-mysogyny….

Most of the people behind these concepts are people who believe (within themselves) that they are or have been “wronged” or mistreated and that that mistreatment somehow is or has been more “severe” than the rest of us humans.

In short; they are or have been hurt by others and are unable to come to terms with that hurt and move on with their lives.

Now MAYBE they have been “hurt” by others, and POSSIBLY it was even done intentionally, but was that hurt MORE “severe” than others of us?

I cannot possibly see how ANYONE could be deemed qualified to answer that.

I don’t live anyone else’s life but my own, and they do not live mine, so how can they know how they would feel to go through what I’ve been through and how can I know the same of their struggle?

The “isms” they’re touted as being about equality, about equal treatment, but how can one know equal treatment if they’ve never faced the life (as we don’t) of others.

How can women/females know wether they’re treated fairly/equally to men/males if they’ve never had to face life as a male?

How can natal born females judge wether they’re life is (or could have been) easier or harder if they’d been born transsexual? 

How can Transsexuals judge wether they’re life is (or could have been) easier or harder if they’d been born (genetically) the sex that matches their mind?

So when you see all of these “advocates” and “activists” my thoughts are that you should look PAST all the “righteousness” and guff that they present you with, and try to assess the personal motivation behind their thoughts and actions.

What are they hiding?….. personal insecurities maybe?

What do they stand to gain?….. Money? an easier life? who knows?

I try not to criticise too much or too many on this blog, I Try to stick pretty well to what I KNOW.

What I KNOW is what life is and means when born transsexual, and also (to as good of an extent as as any other woman can definitively know) what life is like for women.

The rest I (would) take with a grain of salt.

Choose who you are, and then live your life, be as happy as you can be, things could be much worse.

Changing the world.

I had been thinking about writing about the whole Bruce Jenner “thing”

I HAD been thinking about it.

HAD!

And then it occurred to me that every time I did, the more I contemplated it the more sad, angry, anxious and even (maybe a little) scared it made me.

I gave up everything, and when I say that I mean; my entire family, any friends and important relationships that mattered to me, any money and material possessions (even though there wasn’t really that much),  my “home”, my sense of “security”, often my dignity and my pride.

I paid with my blood and tears, enormous physical and emotional pain (and that’s without even thinking about trauma of childhood) 

All to be left alone and be just another female in society.

To be “no-body”.

That was the life I needed. 

NOT “Transsexual”

NOT “transgender”.

Just a woman. JUST female.

The FACT is, it’s IMPOSSIBLE to change everything.

There’s a record of my “male” birth on government data-bases and certain historical documents that are IMPOSSIBLE to change. My body will forever show signs of its biology.

I’m stuck with my “history” to an extent, until the day I die.

And then you get “trans” people like Bruce Jenner coming along and saying that this “trans-ness” thing is a PART of them.

They live their whole lives as men, marry and have sex with women, father children, have careers and  accumulate wealth and material assets as men, with the full benefit of the privileges afforded males.

And then they get on TV and they sell themselves as being the same as and having had the same life and story as girls like me.

They make the world aware of what can be achieved (physically) by the “treatments” designed for girls with my condition.

The public awareness they raise sees new legislation made which then gets applied to girls with my condition against our will, forcing us to be differentiated from other females.

I get so fuckin’ mad at it all that I can’t get much further (when responding to it all) than:

“Tans-ness” is NOT a fucking “PART” of me! I’m JUST A FRIGGIN’ GIRL!, and I just happened to have been born with a damn penis. 

Pissed off is an understatement, there is nothing NOTHING sensational about all of this.

So much of life is taken away from a girl when she’s born Transsexual.

Our innocence as children is taken, the freedom to live and explore as adolescents, pregnancy, child birth, biological motherhood, we’re snubbed and looked down on by family and the world, and that is just to start with! 

So much we miss out on! let me tell ya’ there isn’t a heck of a lot of “joy” left to live for.

And the arseholes come along and misrepresent us and show/say to the world that it’s possible for us to live for 65 years as a (seemingly happy, overall) man, accomplish HUGE things, and that having long hair, a pony-tail and wearing nail polish “long enough for it to chip off” is what we’re about.

Their words and actions threaten what little is left to make our lives worth fighting to live.

I’m better off to keep my opinion to myself, and just keep doing as much as I can to get as far away from anything and anyone that links me to being transsexual as possible.

You know what? I get it alright!

 I get that in most peoples eyes we aren’t female, and we aren't women, and I understand that it is impossible to change sex biologically, and I wouldn’t presume to tell anyone what to believe about any of that, nor how to live their lives, all I know, all I’ve EVER known and all I can tell you is what I feel in and of myself,  that I’m female, none of this “female soul” “soul of a female” Bullshit!

Female! like your sister, your mother, your wife, your daughter.

Female the SEX.

Female is NOT an "identity"and NOT a "gender". 

Those who claim to be “transgender” who live publicly, promote themselves and represent “trans-ness” to society, they’re taking away my/our right to live life how I/we see fit, they oppress me and I KNOW that they do so knowingly.

I/we don’t need the world “changed”

We’re quite ok with living our lives the same as any and EVERY other female since the dawn of humanity.

SO! to the “Bruce Jenners” of the world, I would say:

If you truly are a woman, then do as every other Transsexual does; change your name, get your surgery, shut your friggin’ mouth and go be a woman like the other (nearly) 3,614000000 females in the world.

The only thing that will change for us, is the suicide rate will increase.